Doing My Own Thing
So, I'm on this journey. An adventure learning to become a better writer. I am transforming the consumé of my talent into a rich and hearty beef stew.
I'm adding carrots - taking writing classes.
I'm adding potatoes and assorted vegetables - taking classes to heal my inner artist.
I'm flavoring it with exotic seasonings - taking an acting class to investigate where my create engine was built in the first place, and Spanish classes to keep my brain from calicifying.
I'm adding chunky hunks of beef - Training myself to show up and not give up. Sit down and write every day with enthusiam!
I have a script in the crockpot right now. It is stewing and simmering and thickening as we speak (so to speak.) This is the first screenplay I've ever written. Now, I've written tons of episodes for children's television. And I've been pretty successful at it, and pretty busy over the years. Whenever I wasn't working, I would use my down time to do other things...some good for me...some very bad. But I never used that down time to do what I always dreamt of doing, writing an original screenplay.
I used to think that I was just too tired or actually too lazy to do it. The only thing that motivated my writing was a juicy paycheck at the end of the week. A deadline I could handle, but a dream...? Put it on the back burner. I'm just going to lie here and pick my navel.
Now through study and introspection, I have finally realized that what I called "fatigue & laziness" was actually fear. I was afraid to do it because what if I couldn't?
I love movies. I go all the time. I can be very critical; "That story fell apart in the third act." "That character didn't work because he was totally driven by plot, not emotional truth." And on and on I would go, an Ebert of the head. Good at after movie conversation, bad at putting my own ass on the line.
Fear is a crafty little bastard. It will come at you in many disguises and suck you in every time...well, almost everytime. I'm on to this bitch now. I'm on to the excuses, the procrastination, the safety of inaction, the security of "don't try won't fail." I'm ready to put it on the line. Facing my fears, admitting them, giving them a hug, patting them on the head and sending them to the back of the room to stand in the corner and be quiet, while my enthusiasm and dreams take center stage and we play together every day in front of this computer.
I've also discovered that it's more fun when I approach writing as play instead of work. Work = drudgery, Play = fun, excitement, and so what if I get it wrong, at least I had fun.
You learn a lot by going to school. A lot of good things, and a lot of crap. I am going to teach my children to approach learning with a "take what I can use and get rid of the rest attitude." I had a teacher in Screenwrting One who was so negative. He made grown women cry, and lots of the people in class just gave up on their ideas and dreams.
He even tried to worm his way into my head. But I've been to the rodeo, so when he tried that crap with me I confronted him. I told him that he was being very discouraging and I chose not to be discouraged. He flew into a rage and said he was tired of students telling him that. Well, that should have told him something right there - if they keep telling you're too discouragin, perhaps it's time to pay attention.
Even though I confronted him, he wormed himself into my head anyway making me doubt a pivitol choice I made for my main character. I went back and forth for months, tried to come up with other choices that I felt were as strong and emotionally true.
Today, I wrote that scene. I approached it with fun and enthusiasm. I wrote it the way I originally intended only better, and I had fun doing it. That asswipe is out of my head. This is just a warning before you let them into yours. Even if they are your teachers, they don't know everything. Many are frustrated artists with their own agendas. And besides, they are only human, and as humans we all make mistakes.
Oh well, enough of this. I have to go help paint furniture for the nursery. Life is lemonade and brownies smeared with peanut butter. Buh-bye!