A Valentine to Clay, Allegedly

Happy Valentine's Day, Clay
Though rumors are swirling
That you are gay...
Allegedly

They say you met a hustler in a motel
And though you did't use a condom
The hustler swore, "I won't tell!"
Allegedly

Could you hear the snickers of Simon Cowell
When the hustler offered sticky proof
Your DNA smeared on a cheap motel towel
Allegedly

Life must be hard under the glare of fame
Can't pick up a piece of trade
Without him knowing your name
Allegedly

On stage you sing, a romantic sentamentalist
Rejecting the true object of your desire
Because you're a raging Fundamentalist
Allegedly

The Claymates have turned litigious
The gossips and blogs are viscious
I wonder, are you still religious?
Allegedly

You should have known, Sister Clay
That fire & brimstone to which you pray
Would up and singe your boney ass one day
Allegedly

Kneeling at the alter, a secret "abomination"
Now it's all slipping away
You're a Christian abberation
Allegedly

If you want to save your career, forsake Tom, DICK and Harry
Return to the mountains of North Carolina swiftly
Find some clueless inbred hillbilly to marry
Allegedly

Then all will be forgiven, no matter what they say
Because everyone knows gays can't marry
In the good old U.S.A.
Allegedly

Now is the time to take a stand
Grab your balls
Claim your man!
Allegedly

As you ascend to join the pantheon
Of George Michael and Elton John
Embrace the scandal and look beyond
Allegedly

Find a man that keeps your heartbeat drummin'
Who makes you scream like Little Richard
"Whoooo!!! I'm comin!"
Allegedly

As I end this exercise in picking your bones
I want to give a shout out to my dear Star Jones
For being on "THE VIEW" where she always drones
Say what you want, but cover your ass
By using the word, "Allegedly"