Out Foxxed!

Is anyone else as sick-2-death of Jamie Foxx as I am? Trust me, no one was a bigger supporter of Mr. Foxx last year due to his magnificent performance in RAY. I saw that movie in theaters twice and was the first to run out and buy the special edition DVD and I have watched it and all the extras more than a few times. But now, I have had it up to there with seeing Jamie Foxx act a fool everywhere he appears. And unfortunately, HE IS EVERYWHERE!!!

First he comes out with two stale movies after winning the Oscar. I skipped STEALTH, but I saw JARHEAD, and was disappointed in Foxx's performance which seemed to me to be a return to his old stand-up schitck. Then Kayne Wests' hot GOLDDIGGER came out. It was a cool song. I grooved to it like everybody else, but nobody loved it more than Jamie Foxx. Every show he appeared on, he would, without prompting launch into "She spend my money! When I'm in ne-he-he-heeed!" And then go on and on about how he has the #1 song and he's so great and blah blah blah!

Then he starts promoting his album and he's everywhere all over again. And of course, he does the GOLDDIGGER Ray Charles bit again EVERYWHERE he shows up! And his music? That song UNPREDICTABLE could only have been written by the biggest swole-up, waterhead on the planet! A little humility goes a long way, Mr. Foxx. Lord, how I wish your granny was here so she could beat some sense into you again.

Speaking of Granny, did you notice how he did the same "This is for Granny..." speech at the Golden Globes and the Oscars. He cried on cue in the same places. That made the whole thing seem phoney. Why am I surprised? I wasn't born yesterday. This is Hollywood. It's all staged! It's all phoney!

You know, Foxx was getting on my nerves a lot, but I wasn't going to write anything about him. The brotha is a success and I figured he should go all out and enjoy it for at least a year. Then I saw Foxx on TV a couple of nights ago promoting Bling Water.

Yeah, you read it right. Bling Water! This is some mess thought up by Kevin G. Boyd, a former writer for THE JAMIE FOXX SHOW, so right off you know this excrement is supsect!

They are promoting this urination as the "Cristal of Drinking Water" and it comes in a bottle decorated with Swarovski crystals. Jamie Foxx was on screen, grinning and preening and holding up a bottle of this Monkey Crotch Sweat, as if it was the best thing since God made rain. COME ON MAN!!!

As if our culture isn't twisted enough by the over emphasis on materialism! We have Nelly on the radio talking about "Rob a jewlry story and buy you a Grill!" We've got every other rapper spouting excrement about how much money, clothes, furs, and jewels they have. They confuse self-esteem with self-indulgence. Do these people not think about the poison they are infecting the public with when they spew this verbal diarrhea?

Bling Water... Uh-uh-uh! Granny Foxx, I hope you can hear me up there in heaven. Your boy needs you. That gold plated statue has gone to his head, and he needs some serious guidance. I know you're dead, so you can't beat his azz anymore. But maybe you can call on a friend and have someone send down a lightening bolt to singe his behind back to reality. The man is losing it, and on the real, this kind of synthetic hubris fueled life will only weaken his God given talent.

Now that you've got the grapes, Mr. Foxx, have a little class, humility and social responsibility. The backlash is beginning to trickle. Stop the madness now, before it becomes a tidal wave.

That's all I can stands, cause I can't stands no more!

TSOTSI

TSOTSI is one of the most moving films I've seen in a long time. Set in the slums of the Johannesburg, South Africa township of Soweto, it's the story of Tsotsi, a cruel and unrepentant thug who commits terrible acts of violence and cruelty until his heart is reborn when he connects with an infant he aquires in a violent carjacking.

The film was written and directed expertly by Gavin Hood. The cinematography is breathtaking, even though it's focused on the unremitting poverty of the township. TSOTSI has been nominated for an Academy Award in the Best Foreign Film category. I haven't seen the rest of the nominess, but if this picture wins, it's well deserved.

Presley Cheweneyagae as Tsoti, has a face that telegraphs every thought and emotion of this hardened character. It's amazing that this is his film debut. He had me enthralled throughout. The entire cast is outstanding, and this is a film that should not be missed.

LAZY SUNDAY

Lazy Sunday
Nowhere to go
Kickin’ back laughing
With Margaret Cho
Floating on an island
Of mattress & pillow
Curled up with my baby
Nothing to fulfill, oh
I should be writing
Tengo que estudiar
But the woulda coulda shouldas
Don’t get me very far
I’m listening to the birds sing
And the beating of my heart
Sometimes a lazy Sunday
Is life’s very best part

Madea's Got it Goin' On!

"TYLER PERRY'S MADEA'S FAMILY REUNINON" is one of the funniest movies I've seen in a long time. It's also one of the most melodramatic, preachiest, and holier than thou-est movies, too. But that's just fine with me.

Mr. Perry and his character Madea have bought chitlin's to the screen. Having started out writing and producing plays that would appeal to an audience predominantly made up of African-American Christian women, Mr. Perry knows his audience well. He knows what works, what makes them laugh, what makes them cry and above all, what puts their mostly ample bottoms in the seats. So, all of the 'Joseph Campbell/Writer's Journey/Robert Mckee Story Structure' rules and requirements can just back off. Mr. Perry's got the magic stick, and he's casting glorious spells.

Watching his films, "DIARY OF A MAD BLACK WOMAN" and "MADEA'S FAMILY REUNION" you are bombarded with issues, humour, music, big time melodrama, and an enormous, crazy, funny, dangerous Black grandmother known as Madea (a contraction of the southern endearment 'Mother Dear'.) This type of production strikes chords with it's audience of mostly working class women and men who turn to the Lord for comfort and salvation.


There are several archtypes in Mr. Perry's productions:
The 'New Woman' who had lost her way but is seeking to redeem herself by becoming and living a Christian doctrine which always includes no sex before marriage.
The 'Good Man' always a blue collar brother with rippling muscles and a killer smile, who is also a Christian and has to convince the woman through abstinence that he wants more than a slice of coochie pie.
The 'Villain' almost always rich, greedy and abusive to 'New Woman', this character is depraved and must be exposed for what he is - Dick Dastardly without the black cape, top hat and handlebar moustache.
The 'Bad Parent' who is the reason 'Good Woman' went bad in the first place. This character has made awful decisions usually because of how she was treated as a child and finally comes to her senses in a 'let the cycle be broken' denoument.
Then of course there is Madea, the no nonsense matriarch we all feared when we were younger, but look back on with fondness.
Also on the sidelines are the greek chorus which includes Madea's flatulent brother, the only one who can stand up to her, a bunch of horny old men, and the kitchen clotch of old women who sweat wisdom and smell of bacon grease & yellow cake.

"Tyler Perry's Madea's Family Reunion" opened without screenings for critics. This usually means the studio thinks the movie is a turkey and wants to get the unassuming butts into the seat over the first weekend before the film can be panned by critics on Monday. This time, I think it was a smart move.

When "Diaray of a Mad Black Woman" opened last year, the critics lambasted it, saying the movie was a mish-mash of styles and genres, confusing and inept. Well, Mr. Perry got the last laugh when his movie opened to over 22 million dollars at the box office and went on to generate more than 50 million. And when it came out on DVD, it sold 2.4 million copies the first week - HELLO!!! Why open a movie for critics who don't get it, when the audience does? This film is ethno-specific, it's going to the heart of an audience White critics can't affect or understand.

This is not a new phenomena. India has their booming, wildly successful "Bollywood" films that appeal directly to their culture. Latinos have "novelas" that have just as many archetypical characters and storylines as Madea's stories, and they are just as popular.

It's funny, but not unexepected, how Hollywood is now jumping on the novela bandwagon and have yet to realize they are riding ass backwards. They have set about watering down the genre to make it appeal to the widest demographic possible, (meaning White people) and they are hiring writers they are comfortable with, like Jackie Collins, to create the stories.

The first test will be "Ugly Betty" taken from one of the most popular novelas, "Betty la Fea." Even though it is being produced by Salma Hyek, I can't wait to see how they water it down, sanitize it and watch it go down the tubes. They don't get it. Still, it's won't be the first time they've raided the vaults of another culture and put their self-satisfied versions out for the mass media, giving nothing back to the culture or community they stole from. Havemercy don't let me go there!

One of the most wonderful things about watching "TYLER PERRY'S MADEA'S FAMILY REUNION" is how many times you see his name at the beginning of the film. It's a co-production with Tyler Perry Films, written by, produced by, scored by, starring and directed by Tyler Perry! Hello! I know some of the millions have got to be going into this brother's pockets and I'm happy for him. He has learned through his own drive, mistakes and triumphs what works for his audience, and if Hollywood wants to share in the bounty, they have to take a backseat to him. Good for you, brotha, good for you!

Still, by Monday morning when the box office results come in, and Madea is at the top of the heap again, the leeches in the studio offices will be looking for away to tap into that bounty and cut out the middle man. They will hire some of their "approved" Black writers with the intention of constant intervention, and get them started working on a story with their eyes targeted toward a larger market. Therefore they will insist on storylines that include White characters and everyone will have to be politically correct (no whipping children the way Madea does!) They will hire Queen Latifah to play the lead and come up with another hot steaming pile of cow dung like BEAUTY SHOP! And the the target wider audience and the original Black audience will smell the funk of inauthenticity, and stay away in droves! LOL They think they know everything, but they don't know what Mr. Perry knows, and that is HIS audience.

Black, white, brown, green, or whatever, get off your butts and go pay a visit to Madea. If you're out of the circle, you may not get all the jokes and innuendo, but you will most definitely be entertained.

BUH-BYE!

Let us all bow our heads and say an insincere, "Buh-bye! So sad to see ya go!" to the first rejects of The new season of AMERICAN IDOL.

Buh-bye, Bimbo Becky, who's large breasteses and lung capacity could not hide the fact that she has no range, and sang like a foghorn in search of a leghorn. Simon was right, she's a pretty girl, and she should go off and become a model - "Victoria's Secret is calling, answer the door!"

Buh-bye, Pencilneck Patrick, you and your song were forgotten before the first commercial break. Paula, with botox tears running down her face, said she will be the first in line to buy your record - too bad she'll be in line alone (but I guess she's used to that since she went on National TV and cried to Dr. Phil about the fact that she cannot get a date! What was she thinking??? - but, I digress...)

Buh-bye, Stevie the Opera Trained Diva who has no breath control and wouldn't know her diaprham if it slapped her upside the La Traviata - tah-tah!


Buh-bye, Booby! You should be ashamed of yourself for blaming your grandmother for your drunken rendition of COPACABANA. Grandma was probably a drunk too, why else would she insist you sing the corniest narrative song since the Day My Momma Socked It to the Harper Valley PTA? Hopefully, grandma will convince you to go back to your job as a clown at Chuckie Cheese. They haven't known what to do with the left over fries since you've been gone.

IDOL GIRLS
The idol girls were way better than the boys. I actually voted several times for my favorites:

Mandisa. Okay, so the name is...well, unfortunate, but the woMANdisa can S-A-N-G! The ease with which she tackled that song by Heart, and her apparent comfort in her own skin were delightful to behold. I've loved her since she set my dawg, Simon, straight on his callous remark about needing "a bigger stage." Actually, I agree with him, she deserves a bigger stage, because she has bigger talent than the rest. I voted for her, and kept hitting the redial to vote again and again and again.

Paris Bennett. Babygirl tackled Gladys Knight, and didn't embarass herself. She's cute, very young, enthusiastic and has talent to burn. I bet she played Dorothy in THE WIZ in some community theatre. If a producer out there was smart enough to remake that movie with someone under 35 playing Dorothy (love you madly, Miss Ross, but you should be able to admit that mistake by now - or maybe that's why you drink...) Paris would be perfect in the lead. Keep up the good work, Kid. I voted for you at least twice.

Kinnik Sky...what an interesting name, and an interesting woman to boot. She was elegance personified in her evening gown, and I think she did a terrific job with GET HERE, I don't care what the judges said. Either the sound system in the space distorted her voice, or they've got liquid crack in those omnipresent coke glasses they always have sitting in front of them ( I KNOW Paula does!) They gave this woman nothing but grief, after congratulating and fawning over--

Lisa Tucker! Hold on, wait a minute, call off the lynch party. I know this 16 year-old breath of fresh air is supposed to be one of the favorites. She was one of mine too during the audition episodes. I think she has loads of talent, and look forward to hearing her singing songs more appropriate for her voice and age. She made a hot mess of I AM CHANGING, a fantastic showstopper from DREAMGIRLS that Jennifer Holiday stopped the show with for the second time in the second act. We're talking Broadway history here - mmkay! Lovely little Lisa was way out of her league. She was flat, limited, soul-less, and had no understanding of the lyric, otherwise she couldn't have sung it with a "smile for the class picture" grin on her face throughout. I know AI wants to hold on to the younger demographic, and that's probably why they chose those sad teenaged boys, and at least the teenaged girls are talented, but that's no excuse for giving a pitiful performance a pass. I hope, in fact, I'm confident this girl will shine in the future - but on Tuesday night, she chose the wrong song for her voice and emotional experience.

OOPS! Before I forget!

Katherine McPhee was pretty outstanding. I noticed her during the audition episodes. Homegirl has the pipes and the Kelly Clarkson booty that could take her all the way. I wouldn't be mad at her either.

Phew! Well, I have a lot more to say about AI, but nobody is listening/reading anyway, so I'll just let it go. I wish I could let go of my addiction to "unscripted" TV. Note, I did not say REALITY TV, because there is nothing real about walking around with a camera in your face and a boom mike over your head. But I must confess, I love it! I can't get enough of it. When one show has it's season finale, another has it's season premiere, and I find myself putting it on the Tivo. I even watch shows about people I know absolutely nothing about, like...

LISA LOEB. I really don't know anything about this woman, except she had a hit a few years ago that came along with an intersting video, and she's the first woman since Sally Jesse Raphael to be identified more by her glasses than her talent. But I can't help myself. I like her show.

The show is called #1 SINGLE, and that's also the title of the cute theme song that is so catchy, I downloaded it from iTunes! Yes, I did it! I admit it! I'm a Lisa Loeb groupie - I'm a Loebie! Even though her show is so stupid! The premise is, she moves back to New York City, a thirty-seven year old woman who has had two six year relationships that failed to lead to marriage, and now she wants to get married to satisfy her own dreams and stop her Jewish mother from kvetching about grandkids.

Now, Lisa Loeb looks like a smart cookie, or maybe it's just the glasses, because why would a smart woman return to NY to find a man and let cameras follow her around while she meets men and goes out with them. How are you really going to get to know someone when you've got a camera crew following you around the whole time? It doesn't work for the Bachelor or the Bachelorette (except for that freaky/needy blond that got married on TV) and it won't work for Lisa Loeb. I keep hoping she discovers the boom guy is hot, and she can start dating him. At least there would be one less person on her dates, and she might achieve some form of semi-intimacy.

And what the FLUX happened to Illeana Douglas' career? She's on every week, either introducing Lisa Loeb to the dog park, feng shuiing her apartment while pimping her to the plumber, or just hanging out. And Lisa Loeb always says, "So, I was writing a new song when my good friend Illeana Douglas dropped by..." She calls her "Ileana Douglas" all the time. Both names! And that bothers me, but I can't stop watching the show. Whenever it shows up on my Tivo list, I snuggle under the covers, usually while my partner is cooking dinner, and watch another idiotic episode. I can't help myself. She may be stupid, hard up for a date, and obsessed by her ticking womb clock, but I also find her adorable. And I can't get that song out of my head: Singe me out! You've got my number. Yeah, you wanna be my number one - Single me out! There is no other. Yeah, you wanna be my #1 Single!

Good Lord, I was just wrapping up this post four paragraphs ago. I promise to lay off Unscripted TV for at least a week. There must be something else to write about or at least think about... Like that new show coming on BET on March 9th, "LIL' KIM: COUNTDOWN TO LOCKDOWN." With a title like that - HOW CAN I RESIST!!!!

IDOLIZING

This morning at around 8am, I had to go out for coffee beans (we grind our own because the coffee tastes much better.) My car was filthy, so I took it to the car wash on Sunset and then went across the street to the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf to load up. So, I get my beans, free filters size 4 (that's why I buy my beans there) and a free cup of decaf. As I'm leaving I notice a guy sitting in the back right next to the bathroom. He is typing on his Mac, and I think, cool working on your script so early in the morning. Then I did a double take, this was no mere aspiring writer, it was my blog idol, PEREZHILTON.COM! (The photo is a mash-up of Perez & Posh Spice.)

I went up to him and sat right down, which startled him a bit because, well...I was looking like crap, of course. Who thinks you are going to run into anyone at 8 in the morning getting a car wash and some beans? But of course, when you least expect it, you run into someone and you look like diarrhea on toast. (Not that I clean up that well lately anyway, but to quote a word PEREZHILTION.COM coined, I was looking particularly "whoreanus" this morning.)

Anywho, I pull up a chair and tell PEREZHILTON.COM that I am one of his older fans. I read his blog everyday, and he is an inspiration. He smiled and was kind enough to tell me that I didn't have to call myself older, but I'm a realist. I know I'm not his demographic, but who cares, I enjoy reading PEREZHILTON.COM for idol gossip and KEITHBOYKIN.COM for a little more substance. If anyone out there actually reads this blog, LOL, I suggest you also check out PEREZHILTON.COM if you need a laugh, or just some juicy chisme to color your day.

AMERICAN IDOL


On Tuesday morning, I was on my way to my Spanish class (where I learned 'chisme' was the word for gossip en español) at the Beverly Hills Lingual Institute. I was in the elevator when I recognized one of the men standing next to me. I said, "You look like the Executive Producer of American Idol." He started to smile, and as soon as I saw those giagantic horse teeth I knew it was him! (You see, he was one of the judges on his summer series SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE, and those teeth, well they just cannot be missed! The fact that up close you can tell they are veneers + the fact that he's British so you know his real teeth are "whoreanus", is proof positive he goes to MR. ED's dentist.)

I proceeded to gush, telling the EP (i don't remember his name so that's how I'll refer to him,) that AMERICAN IDOL is one of my favorite shows, and I was really looking forward to the first live show that evening. EP immediately shifted into promotion mode telling me, "Oh yes, it's a two hour show, and all of the girls sing. And on Wednesday there is another two hour show and all the boys sing. The results are on Thursday this week." I told him the schedule was already set on my Tivo. As he got off on the ground level he said this should be an exciting season, "The girls are great and the guys...well, they're...interesting."


Interesing? Hmmm... Well, after watching the guys last night, I know what he meant. This is the saddest group of male singers in the history of the show. More than half of the guys performed before we finally heard singer worth the competition.


CHRIS, a rocker, tore up Bon Jovi's DEAD OR ALIVE. This guy has got a lot of soul, and though I'm not a big rock fan, I am a fan of great singers and Chris has chops.

Next, ELLIOT sang Stevie Wonder's IF YOU REALLY LOVE ME. He was excellent. His voice has a richness, and the ease with which he sings really pulls you in. He is definitely not a pretty boy, (He should ask EP about his dentist - then go to someone else,) but he has talent to spare, and I hope to see him around for a long time.

The final good singer was ACE YOUNG. He sang George Michael's FATHER FIGURE. The arrangement, his look and his voice were excellent. This guy is going to take the heart throb crown. He does naturally what that rock pretender Constantine used to work so hard at last year. He also seems to have a warm, unassuming personality and it should take him a long way.

We now proceed from the GOOD to the BAD and the UGLY. Sorry, but like Simon, I'm just keeping it real. The absolutely 'realest' moment on the show was when Simon said, "People watching this show must be thinking we were out of our minds when we picked these guys!" That comment was spot on. And no matter how ferociously Paula interrupts Simon's critique every time he speaks, and no matter how much bull-butter she persists on spreading, the rest of these guys are toast. What were they thinking when they chose:

BOBBY who sang, COPACABANA. He was awful, his voice and persona reminded me of a third rate Jackie Gleason working as one of MCs you might find at a sleazy strip club telling bad jokes and singing racuous songs before they bring on the bazzooms. What were they thinking when they picked this ham on drumsticks? He needs to go. NOW!

And then there was Gedeon, the only African-American male in the competition - and he can't even spell his name right. I can't believe the judges couldn't find brothas better than this. We actually saw quite a few on the audition shows. And they pic this STEVE HARVEY/RICHARD PRYOR lookalike? He sang SHOUT! His arrogance overpowered the music, the lyrics and his lame dancing. This guy thinks he's great, but for real though, he's a buffoon. Throw on some blackface and a tophat and send his coon azz back to 1923! And I was so glad when Simon commented on his demented smile. That grin has enough cheese to put Kraft out of business!


The last of the worst is KEVIN. I just don't understand why he is there. Paula commented on how sweet he was, and how he had so much self-confidence to be 16 years old. Since when did this become CHARACTER IDOL? He may be a nice kid, but he can't SING! He foghorned his way through Brian McKnight's ONE LAST CRY. Now we all know Brian can SANG. If you are going to attempt one of his songs, you need to BRING IT! This "boy" can't even lift it. He sounded awuful, looked awful, and the critique was awful, because all three judges congratulated him. What are they deaf, dumb and blind? Only Simon pointed out that his fan base is over 90 years old. That's probably because they can't hear or see very well anymore. This kid sucks. Hate to be so blunt, but it's true. It lessens the competition when singers are judged on how 'nerdilicious' they are, and how much the girls want to pinch their cheeks. ¡Por fa-f*cking-vor! He needs to be sent packing so he can get back to school before his misses his Advanced Chemistry final and the next Chess Club match.

The rest of the men were dismal. Unmemorable and just plain sad. That croaking country singer. The other 16 year-old who tries to sing like he's Sinatra - what a couple of dung beetles. And then there's the Jay Leno/Joe Cocker mash-up. He has a decent voice, but his twitching and jerking around gives me the heebie-jeebies. Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder can get away with those moves, the blind can't see what they look like, but this dude should check a mirror or some video tape, swallow a valium, calm down and just sing without all the spastic jerkiness.

I was so disappointed with the show last night. At this point in the series you want to be entertained. I think the producers and judges are making a big mistake by searching for archtypes (the rocker, the country singer, the crooner, the black guy, the bimbo, the freak) every year instead of looking for the very best singers. It's getting predictable, EP! Lose the formula, because we want to be entertained, NOT manipulated.

Next time we'll talk about the elimination and the GIRLS.

¡Nos vemos!

Speaks For It's Self

Nuff said...

I Wish I Knew How To Quit You!

LEGGO BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
"Leggo Brokeback Mountain," is one of the funniest things I've seen on the web in a long time. It helps that the leggos are really hot!

You can get a better (bigger) view at: destinationdaniel.smugmug.com. Whoever Daniel is, he sure gave me a good laugh today. ¡Muchos gracias!

I feel sorry for those so wrapped up in their prejudices, fears, latent homosexuality or whatever, who refuse to see the movie. Their loss, our gain. I hope BROKEBACK wins big at the Oscars, but I have a feeling another movies just might "crash" their party.




NOAH'S ARC RENEWED!

The first series to air on the LOGO channel (the channel for the LGBT community) has been renewed for another season. They will shoot the second season in Vancouver, a city I love.

I really enjoyed NOAH'S ARCH this season. The characters are funny, the stories are cute and topical, and each of the actors have their own special charisma. Sometimes I would be blown away by Noah's very cutting edge fashions, but when I think about it, it's a good choice because his clothes are so bizzare the show will never be dated. So keep wearing those rejects from Project Runway, Noah, and hurry back with new episodes!

WACK IS BACK!

Who's brilliant idea was it to invite Whitney Houston (we've got a problem) Brown to perform at the Winter Olympics? Don't they televise BEING BOBBY BROWN over there in Torino? Obviously not, because the Countess de Crack was invited to perform, and probably paid a boatload of lire, and only wound up embarassing herself, and shattering any vestiges of a wholesome image she may have had left...Allegedly.

This morning on Ryan Seacrest's radio show, he played back to back versions of Whitney singing "One Moment In Time." The first version, had Crackney singing in Torino wearing that 'snowmam' outfit (hmmm...the term "snow" takes on a whole new meaning when it's related to some folks.) It is abysmal. She's off key, wheezing and croaking. The next version is the one she recorded before everything went to hell in a crack basket. That version sounds luminous, brilliant and amazing.

It really made me sad to hear them played back to back, over and over again. Still, I'm glad Ryan did it. It's a warning to all those young talented people out there who think the drug life is a part of show business, and that they can get away with abusing their gift. It was a "This is Your Talent on Drugs-(Allegedly)" moment, a brutal lesson for us all.

I still love you, WH and I hope you can recover, so we can all relive that One Moment In Time when you were the brightest star in the galaxy.

An Olympic Champion

Congratulations to Shani Davis winner of the 1,000 meter speedskating event at the Winter Olympics. He is the first African American althlete to win an individual gold medal in Winter Olympic competition.

I happened to fall asleep early on Saturday night, but woke up in time to catch the end of the speed skating event. I didn't see Shani's race, but I saw Joey Cheeks' race which earned him a silver medal and Davis the gold. Afterwards, Shani Davis was interviewed rink side. He didn't smile. He was very subdued. He answered the questions politely, with one or two word responses. The interviewer asked if he was angry and he deflected the question politely, gave her a grin for good measure and went about his business.

I'd imagine Shani's win was hampered by the controversy of his decision not to participate in a team skating event, choosing to concentrate all of his training in individual events. The American team effort didn't qualify, and some team members, namely Chad Hedrick, blamed Shani.

Reportedly, Chad felt Shani ruined his chances of winning a record 5 goal medals. Tough! Get over it, Chad. Shani is not responsible for your loot, or the visions of future endorsement deals with your mug on the Wheaties box. His decision to concentrate his training on the 1000 meter worked for him, he came in 1st, you came in 6th. When reporters asked Chad if he was happy about the outcome of the 1000 meter race, he petulantly replied, "I'm happy for Joey." referring to Cheeks, who came in second. Way to go, Chad. Let's hope you are never considered a role model for sportsmanship.

I admit that I am biased towards Shani. I identify with the Black kid, who goes after a dream that most of your peers consider weird, uncool, corny or the must hurtful insult of all, "acting white." I identify with the kid who is ostracized and left out when they compete in an arena where the color of their skin makes them an oddity. I identify with the man who dares to stand alone, no matter what the majority might want you to do. Following your own path is never easy. The pain in Shani's eyes when he was being interviewed after his win, was familiar to me. The compressed rage. The struggle to hold on to your dignity with everything you've got. The need to prove once again that you are the better man.

Shani, I saw what you were going through, brother. And I'm on your side.

This, That and the Other...

Pink has a new single called STUPID GIRLS, it skewers the national obsession with the likes of Paris, Nicole, Britney, etc. The song stands up for girls with goals, dreams and brains as opposed to those dim blonds always flipping their hair and wearing push up bras. Way to go, Pink. By the way, I think this is going to be Pink's year. She's been out of the public eye for a while, but that's because she's been starring in a feature film playing Janis Joplin. I think her voice is going to be great for the music, and I hope the movie is good. I can't get enough of a good bio pic.

SPEAKING OF STUPID GIRLS...
I can't get enough of America's Next Top Model, and it's coming back for another cycle starting March 8th. Yeah, I know it's junk food beamed directly from a tube into my ever softening brain, but there are worse addictions. And Tyra Banks is proof that beautiful doesn't mean dumb. She created, executive produces and is featured on the show. Her concept has been licensed to production companies world wide. Ms. Banks has the brains to back up that last name, because she is certainly making "bank" with ANTM and her talk show, TYRA. Good on ya, but I think it's a shame you let Janice go for Twiggie, she's a wet banger if I ever saw one.

AMERICAN IDOL TOP 24
Finally, they've been chosen, now it's America's turn to vote. My girl Mandisa, with the big booty and the bigger voice is at 29 the oldest contestant (along with that Jay Leno spastic grayhaired guy.) I hope she gets a fair shot, because she has loads of talent. I also liked the way she called Simon out on his rude remarks about her weight. She was a lady, she made her point, and in doing so I think she made an impression on everyone watching.

Another reason I'm glad the audition phase is over is because I was so sick of Terrell and Derrell or Berrell or Squirrel, or whatever those obnoxious twins were called. Their arrogance was legendary. To think the way they went on about how great they were and how they were exibiting "exemplary" behavior, and then the truth comes out, they are forgers, embezzlers and identity theives! They should just shut up, be locked away for a long time and never live it down. Even their mama should be hanging her head in shame. Good riddence to arrogant rubbish!

One thing baffled me... There is only on African-American male in the final 12 men, and he didn't have as good a voice as others that were showcased. Through the auditions there were many brothers that were excellent singers. I could understand them getting over looked for better singers, but for that pale odd looking guy with the glasses? I was surprised when he moved on. From what I heard of his voice, it's nice, but I can't imagine him winning. Perhaps his talent will change my mind when he sings next week. Still, between you and me, I doubt he'll make the top twelve.
That's all for now. Chyman out!

A Valentine to Clay, Allegedly

Happy Valentine's Day, Clay
Though rumors are swirling
That you are gay...
Allegedly

They say you met a hustler in a motel
And though you did't use a condom
The hustler swore, "I won't tell!"
Allegedly

Could you hear the snickers of Simon Cowell
When the hustler offered sticky proof
Your DNA smeared on a cheap motel towel
Allegedly

Life must be hard under the glare of fame
Can't pick up a piece of trade
Without him knowing your name
Allegedly

On stage you sing, a romantic sentamentalist
Rejecting the true object of your desire
Because you're a raging Fundamentalist
Allegedly

The Claymates have turned litigious
The gossips and blogs are viscious
I wonder, are you still religious?
Allegedly

You should have known, Sister Clay
That fire & brimstone to which you pray
Would up and singe your boney ass one day
Allegedly

Kneeling at the alter, a secret "abomination"
Now it's all slipping away
You're a Christian abberation
Allegedly

If you want to save your career, forsake Tom, DICK and Harry
Return to the mountains of North Carolina swiftly
Find some clueless inbred hillbilly to marry
Allegedly

Then all will be forgiven, no matter what they say
Because everyone knows gays can't marry
In the good old U.S.A.
Allegedly

Now is the time to take a stand
Grab your balls
Claim your man!
Allegedly

As you ascend to join the pantheon
Of George Michael and Elton John
Embrace the scandal and look beyond
Allegedly

Find a man that keeps your heartbeat drummin'
Who makes you scream like Little Richard
"Whoooo!!! I'm comin!"
Allegedly

As I end this exercise in picking your bones
I want to give a shout out to my dear Star Jones
For being on "THE VIEW" where she always drones
Say what you want, but cover your ass
By using the word, "Allegedly"

Diana Forever

When I was 19 years old, a college student in NYC, I met a goddess. I was with my best friend, Annette, shopping at Bloomingdale's on Third Avenue.

I was standing around waiting for Annette who was busy looking at shoes. Suddenly, I saw this woman coming toward me. She had nice hair that fell in soft curls around her light cocoa face. She didn't have on much make up, so you could see that the skin around her nose and cheeks were covered with freckles. She was beautiful, and I recognized her from somewhere, but I couldn't quite place her. Until she was right in front of me. As she passed by, I gasped. It was Diana Ross! All by herself, at the height of her career, shopping in Bloomingdale's.

Once I got over the shock, I followed her, of course. I stood next to her as she perused a shoe display. I tried not to be to obvious, but I kept looking at her out of the corner of my eye. My heart was beating so fast and loud, she must have heard it. She turned to me, flashed that dazzling smile with a gazillion teeth and simply said, "Hello." I said, "Hello, I love you." And she replied with a giggle, "I love you, too."

It was too much for me to bear. I just turned and ran away. This goddess, this angel, this symbol of success, talent and tenacity, had just spoken to me. And she was so kind and real. Annette and I went downstairs to the department where they sold furniture, and jumped up and down on a bed, laughing and ki-ki-ing. LOL

That was such a long time ago, but I will never forget that starstruck moment. When I saw this lovely photograph of Diana this morning, it bought back all the memories. Yeah, I know there are a lot of haters out there (Kirk Albert?) who love to put her down, but she is an icon. No, she's not a perfect person, but what icon is?

I still love you, Miss Ross. And I always will.

Nosferatu & the Family Stone

When I was about 10 years old, I loved SLY AND THE FAMILY STONE. Their music was infectious. You could Dance to the Music. Sing a Simple Song. And when you got into their philosophy, you could truly believe that Everybody is a Star. What I saw last night on the Grammy Awards telecast shocked me. I just stared at the screen unable to believe this sad, disillusioned creature was the man who's music inspired a generation. This is your life on drugs. To have everything and come to this. How sad.

I was happy that John Legend won three awards for his inspired music. Happy for my girl, Mariah's three wins, even though none were televised. It was interesting how frightened and unsure she seemed while performing. I thought her performance was uneven, she delivered on the big notes, but barely squeaked through the quieter parts of her songs. Perhaps that's why Mimi never really tours. Christina Aguilera's performance was such a contrast. Her voice strong and in control as she sang A SONG FOR YOU. (Even though she was good, she didn't match the rendition of the guy who won SHOWTIME AT THE APOLLO last year.) As we were watching, Ricky noted how Mariah looked nothing like her videos. I could see the age settling in too, as concealer lost the battle last night.

Mary J. Blige did herself proud. Madonna sounded good during the first part of her performance with Gorillaz, then when she moved to the other side of the stage and stopped lip-synching, she sounded like herself. Too bad yoga didn't do for the voice what it did for the body.

This is a very busy week what with my regular load of classes and the 4 day workshop that I'm also taking this week. I'll probably be away from the post for a while. Loving ya, and leaving ya!

Maybe He Ain't Crazy, But Something's Wrong!

Dave Chapelle was on Oprah this week, and my head is still reeling! What the hell was he talking about? Did he really answer any questions? It all seem like a lot of rambling to me. And thank God for Tivo, because a few times I had to rewind to figure out what he was talking about. It didn't help. And just between you and me Dave, buy some Chapstick, eat a greasy porkchop or something! Those lips of yours had enough crack for you, Whitney and Bobby Brown!

I was never a big Dave Chapelle fan. Something about his whiney/nasal drawling delivery made him hard for me to listen to. I just didn't get him. Then one day a couple of summers ago, we had people over for a dinner party and all they could talk about was Chapelle's Show. On and on and on my guests were, cracking each other up with catch phrases and jokes from the show. I was so left out, because I had never seen it. A couple of weeks later, I bought the Chapelle Show season one DVD. Ricky and I never laughed so hard (of course, if I remember correctly cannibas was involved) it was funny, cutting edge, smart, and in your face. I was converted. The man was funny and his show was brilliant.

As soon as the second season DVD came out, we bought it, and it didn't let us down in the least. To this day, whenever we are in the mood for something madd funny, we pop in one of Dave's discs and always find something to chortle about. We were both looking forward to season three. I even put it on my Tivo list. We were dedicated Chapell-ites. Then the ceiling came crashing in with reports of Dave walking of the show and out of the county. How bizzare.

So, I was really looking forward to seeing what he had to say on Oprah. I wanted to understand what could make the most successful comedian on television walk away from not only his show, but 50 million dollars. Dave talked a lot about pressure. People wanting to control him. People wanting him to lie (about the walking pnemonia thing.) People building walls in his office.

I could relate to or understand some of what he was talking about. I'm sure he became a commodity and when you bring the heat I'm sure the pressure builds. But it seems to me that Dave was his own worst enemy. He couldn't truly articulate what the problems were. If he didn't want to do comedy that made him ashamed, then he had the power to not do it. The show was in his control. Comedy Central needed him a lot more than he needed them. If he wanted to give his share of the money away to "the people" then who is to stop him? Why does he need to ask for a renegotiation of his contract to give his share of the money away? It's your money, do your thang! If you want to wipe your ass with it then throw it off the Empire State Building, do it. It's your money, who's to stop you?

I have a feeling Dave is very difficult to work with. His demands seem unspecific, as if the company is supposed to anticipate his needs and if they don't - then it's a conspiracy. Even Oprah had to point out that the man is paranoid. He's so paranoid, he didn't even tell his wife and children where he was going when he just up and left for South Africa! Now come on, Dave, that just ain't right.

I still believe Dave Chapelle is a funny man. He was funny in the midst of this confusing interview. And he also has a warm appealing personality that shines when he smiles through those cracked lips. His sharp gift of observation, "Why would anybody go to Africa for medical help?" is as strong as ever. If only he can put things in perspective and get back to work before it's too late. The heat of the spotlight only lasts for so long. Many an artist has fled the light, only to come back when they are ready and find that no one really cares anymore. Hello, Fugees??? Lauryn Hill??? Garth Brooks???

I have a feeling Dave's next move will have a lot to do with how his movie, "Dave Chapelles' Block Party" does in theaters. If it's a big hit, he doesn't have to return to Comedy Central, he can write his own ticket in movies. But if it's not, exepct to see Mr. Chapelle right back where he started from.

On the show, Dave said, "Success takes you where character can't sustain you." I believe that to be true, especially when one's ego overrides their character and they can't see anything but their own needs, desires and feelings as being important. I hope Dave develops a thicker skin (except on the lips,) gets his character in check, and goes back to work...before it's too late.

To All the Other Only Black Faces in the Room

To all the other only Black faces in the room
Do you ever tire of being alone in the crowd?
Do you sigh with resignation?
Why must I alone always represent
The African-American nation?

To all the other only Black faces in the room
Eyeing others with melanin traces
Asian, Latino, Iranian, Iraqui
If I expect a genetic connection
Am I being tacky?

To all the other only Black faces in the room
Are you tired of this too?
Wondering why
Is it always only I?

Am I a freak
Because of the company I seek
Not on purpose, but in purpose
Pursing shared goals and dreams
Pushing the limits
Embracing extremes

I’m afraid I just don’t have to aptitude
To represent the negritude
And in spite of the criticism I’ve eschewed
If I say what’s on my mind
Am I being rude?

To all the other only Black faces in the room
Hear me!
In the darkened corners of the Arclight Cinemas
Or the Lammle Sunset Five
Hear me!
In the boardrooms
Here me!
At the Beverly Hills Lingual Institute!
Hear me!
In row D at the Ahmanson
Hear me!
In the first class lounge
Hear me!

Do you resent the need to represent, too?
Wonder if the need is only in you?
Do you try to keep your eyes from scanning
As soon as you enter as if on cue?

Why you trippin’?
This is 2006
Why you trippin’?

You’re an individual
Why you trippin’?

Why
Why
Why you tumbling into Ebonics, yo?

“A-r-e” is a three letter word?
And the “i-n” misses the “g”
That you only use
In White company.

To all the other only Black faces in the room
Do you feel competitive when me meet?
Wherever there is more than one
Do you stealthily compete
To be the elite?

To all the other only Black faces in the room
Shall we gather by the river
Wash the burdens off our backs
Can we ever really release
Color and how it distracts?

To all the other only Black faces in the room
Hear me!
Love what you love
Hear me!
Live how you live
Hold on to your humanity
There is nothing to forgive.

Coretta, Coretta

Tuesday night, January 31st, 2006. I was lying on the bed after a long day. My partner and I were discussing events of our day, while the television played muted in the background. While talking about my afternoon class, I noticed out of the corner of my eye, pictures of Coretta Scott King flashing on the television. I knew immediately, the Queen of the Kings was dead.

I turned up the television volume for confimation that indeed one of our last surviving civil rights movement heroes was no longer amonst the living. I felt a deep sadness, although I never really knew much about Coretta Scott King. I always thought she was a beautiful woman. Even back in the sixties when she wore what we then called 'cat eyeglasses.' She seemed to have beautiful skin, lovely long hair, and a face masked in serenity. Whether in photos of her marching with her husband, Dr. King, or speaking out on issues after his death, her demeanor never waivered. It was placid without being empty. Still without being numb. She had an air of dignity and grace that takes me back to my childhood and the black women at church with their feathered hats, gloves, polished shoes, purses and fur stoles. Regal and magnificent, Mrs. King was a symbol for the movement and for her people.

I remember when Dr. King was assasinated. I was ten years old. My classmates and I were frightened when we left school early that day. There were rumblings in the streets of riots, and snipers on rooftops. It didn't make much sense to me, because I had been taught that Dr. King was a man of peace and non-violence. Why would people forget what he stood for so quickly?

Things remained calm in my neighborhood that night. I remember looking at cloudy black & white pictures in a photo album of my mother and Aunt Maxine at the 1963 March on Washinton. They were standing near the reflecting pool, wearing hats and sashes that identified them as a part of a group from New York. Although my mother never spoke much of that day, or why she decided to go to the march (I'd never known her to be political) those photos were a source of pride for me. My mother was there when Dr. King said, "I have a dream." My mother took part in a historic occaision.

During Dr. Kings' funeral stories about him and the processions were all over the television, just like a few years proir when President Kennedy was shot. But this time, I did not resent the fact that my cartoons were preempted. Perhaps it was because I was five years older, but I know it was also because Dr. King, this Black man who was so famous and important resonated deep inside my ten year old psyche. And now, his widow and her children were left all alone. And yet at the funeral, just like Jackie Kennedy, Mrs. King's serenity made an iconic impression.

Mrs. King dedicated the years after her husbands death to upholding his legacy. She created the King Center in Atlanta, which is a very moving place to visit. She spearheaded the drive to create a national holiday honoring her husband. And in her later years, she spoke out in favor of gay marriage, even though some of her children, including her daughter Bernice King, a minister, organized a march to promote an anti-gay marriage agenda in 2004. Interesting how the daughter of the world's greatest civil rights leader, a woman who a few years earlier would not have been accepted as a minister (and is still not accepted in some religious quaters,) could now stand against civil rights of others. Her mother knew this was a civil rights issue plain and simple. And yet, her daughter couldn't see past her "God."

Mrs. King died at 1 a.m. at the Santa Monica Health Insitute in Rosarita Beach, Mexico. She was fighting ovarian cancer when she arrived there on January 26th. She went peacefully in her sleep, which is no less than she desereved. After a life thrust on the international stage. A husband she had to share with the world. Children she had to raise on her own. A legacy she had to protect. Coretta Scott King has earned her peaceful rest. In my heart, I imagine her reunited with the husband she only had for 14 years of marriage here on earth. Now they can share eternity together. Amen.